Let's have a heart to heart, Porsche fans. I know it isn't all of you making bad choices behind the wheel, but lately there seem to have been a rash of foolish, dangerous and absurd incidents in the news involving Porsches. You know that we at Cyberdildo.info like our racing on the track, and our street driving to be handled as safely as possible, even when going quickly. We pride ourselves on being practical, sensible, and conscientious people, and we like to project those positive feelings on our fellow Porsche-owners when we see them on the road.
With that said, if you see or know of any Porsche owners behaving like you see below, please take them aside, sit them down, and politely ask "what in the name of Ferdinand Porsche is wrong with you?!"
Gasoline and Open Flames Don't Mix in a Boxster
This should be the most basic of all. Gasoline and open flames don't mix when out in the open. If you happen to be in an environment where gasoline and open flames mix, you are likely inside a cylinder, and you are probably a spark plug. Anywhere else, this is simply not ok. While preparing for Hurricane Irma, this Porsche owner took his Boxster to the gas station to fill up a gascan for his generator. Fine.
Pinellas: Porsche up in flames & no one injured on SB I-275 @ 38th Ave N as driver transporting gas tank in passenger seat lights cigarette????
— Sgt. Steve Gaskins (@SteveG717)
On the way home, with the gas can on the passenger seat, they lit a cigarette, with extremely predictable results.
Road Rage Comes in All Shapes and Sizes
These next two, yes two, incidents involve Porsche drivers perpetrating some absurd road rage. The first one, shown above, involves a Cayman driver in Malaysia. While the driver filming the incident may not have been completely in the right, that does not excuse the Porsche driver from cutting the guy off and trying to haul down to a stop in the middle of a highway.
Incident occurred on London road passing Alexander. Two vehicles had a minor bumper bash so the elderly man (71 years old) in the Range Rover pulled over so they could exchange details and man in the other vehicle, a Porsche went ballistic and acted totally irrational and started attacking the elderly man in the vehicle!#stoproadrage
Posted by on Wednesday, September 13, 2017
The second, incident comes from South Africa, and follows an accident between a Range Rover and a Cayenne. From what we can see, the two cars impacted along the side (note the damage to the Cayenne's right rear door and the Range Rover's left mirror). While the damage doesn't appear catastrophic, the Porsche owner's immediate response is. Upsetting, yes, but not "I'm gonna fight you motherf***er material." Seriously folks, exchange information, get the damage fixed, and go on with your life. Things could go a lot worse. Need we remind you...
... Don't Shoot People From Your Porsche
Just don't. I really don't want to give this more copy, but the long and the short is this: Homeless man approaches Porsche driver parked along the sidewalk. There is an altercation, the nature of it is reported differently by both sides. The Porsche driver pulls a gun and blind fires (yes, eyes closed) twice out the window, reportedly as "warning shots." The homeless man is hit by both shots and put in critical condition. The driver does not report the incident, leaves the scene.